The Upside Of Anger

I'm torn. between the life I see and all it's potential, and complete surrender. There is a tiny, incesent, relentless, gut-wrenching tap of doubt. All of the things I'll never know, or ever even get to have the chance to try and mend or address. All I want is to be set free from this trap, have this weight lifted and to feel liberated and delighted in the hope of someone else. To not think of this every minute of everyday. To not doubt my existance with or without you, and yet you won't grant me that one courtesy, at the very least, as a human being would you have the respect to let me say to you what is on my heart? No. I would never do that to you, to anyone, i wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

People don't know how to love. They bite rather than kiss. They slap rather than stroke. Maybe it's because they recognize how easy it is for love to go bad, to become suddenly impossible... unworkable, an exercise of futility. So they avoid it and seek solace in angst, and fear, and aggression, which are always there and readily available. Or maybe sometimes... they just don't have all the facts.
Anger and resentment can stop you in your tracks. That's what I know now. It needs nothing to burn but the air and the life that it swallows and smothers. It's real, though - the fury, even when it isn't. It can change you... turn you... mold you and shape you into something you're not. The only upside to anger, then... is the person you become.

Hopefully someone that wakes up one day and realizes they're not afraid to take the journey, someone that knows that the truth is, at best, a partially told story. That anger, like growth, comes in spurts and fits, and in its wake, leaves a new chance at acceptance, and the promise of calm. Then again, what do I know? I'm only a child.